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Bellringing Jokes


These are various Bellringing Jokes that we have come across in our travels. If you know of any others we could put on, please email us at webmaster*standard8.demon.co.uk


The Rules

  1. The Tower Captain Always Makes The Rules.
    1. The rules are subject to change at anytime without notice.
    2. No bellringer can possibly know all the rules. Nearly all Tower Captains are born with this knowledge.
    3. If the Tower Captain suspects the bellringers of knowing any of the rules, he may change any, or all, of the rules
  2. The Tower Captain Is Never Wrong.
    1. If the Tower Captain is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the bellringers did wrong.
    2. If rule 2a applies, the bellringers must apologise immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
  3. The Tower Captain Can Change Their Mind At Any Given Point In Time.
    1. The bellringers must never change their minds without express written consent from the Tower Captain.
  4. The Tower Captain Has Every Right To Be Angry Or Upset At Any Time.
    1. The bellringers must be calm at all times, unless the Tower Captain wants them to be angry or upset.
    2. The Tower Captain must under no circumstances let the bellringers know if he wants them to be angry or upset.
  5. Any Attempt By The Bellringers To Change Any Of These Rules Could Result In Ringing Properly.

Quasimodo

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day - when an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.

The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"

"No matter," said the man, "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo.

But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."

{WAIT! WAIT! There's more!!}

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

"What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."


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